ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
