so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
