He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
