its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
FUCK WHALES
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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