Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
