I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
