Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
