And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
