Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who died my cat blue again?
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