sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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