woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
