oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
