"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
