Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
