I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So vagazzling was a success
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
