I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
