i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
