He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
