if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
