Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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