im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
