Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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