i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
