you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
