Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
