3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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