WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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