I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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