U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
thus making me awesome and them whores
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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