Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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