I just threw up on my dentist
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
