Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
