just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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