I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My penis needs a shock collar
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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