Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
