Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
