He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
