JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
