Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
