I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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