Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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