like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
