I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
