She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
