I am puke
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
