Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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