I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize