nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
