so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
