um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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