She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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