Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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