This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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