Someone shit on the floor
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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