TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
