Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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