I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
