I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
