Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
