Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
