My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
