the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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