im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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